Oh Code monster, where do I even begin? It’s been 27 years, 324 months, 9,855 days [plus some with all the leap years. I’m not smart enough to the do the math], 236,520 hours + 14,191,200 seconds of missing you. Missing you hard. Thinking about you all the time, wishing I remembered more + thinking of what it would be like if you were here now. It always comes down to just wishing we had more time together.
I was watching a movie on a Saturday night [your sister is a rockstar let me tell you. You’d deff have more fun with Kyle + Dylan ha!] But as I was laying in bed something made me look over to the right + I had this vision that you were laying next to me, laughing at whatever was on the screen. It made me smile because out of you, Kyle + Dylan, I could see you missing a Saturday night out with your friends to hang out with me. No shade to K + D, but its true ha! Or maybe because you’d be so much bigger than them you’d tell them to hang out with me + you ha! These are all the things I think about + so much more.
The bond we had was inseparable + one that I’ve never had with anyone else. And to be honest, I don’t want to. You taught me what unconditional love is, how precious this life really is, to cherish every moment + live like there’s no tomorrow because it isn’t promised. You taught me it’s more important to put other people first. You taught me what it was like to be selfless. You showed me a glimpse of perfect because thats was what you were/are. When you went to Heaven, you took a piece of me with with you.
I still remember building a fort on the lower bunk + then having so much fun we’d fall asleep together. I remember playing Super Nintendo + that game will always hold a special place in my heart. Nick Jr, Face, Barney, The Busy World of Richard Scary are all reminders of you + its bittersweet when I see them. I still remember running around Dad’s store while he closed up. I’d have you in the stroller + we’d play hide + seek which consisted of me hiding behind the stroller, you stretching to see me + then I’d jump out + say boo! You’d have the biggest smile on your face + belly laugh. It was the best sound in the world I wish so much that I still remember what it sounds like.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish you were here. You will always be remembered, cherished + loved. I promise you that. I hope you’re having a good time in Heaven with everyone up there. Thank you for always watching out for me + keep sending those dimes my way! I love knowing that you + I were/are in the same place when I find them.
I’ll love you forever Code Monster. Until you open those pearly gates for me….