I took a little break from the blog last week to kinda get my thoughts in order with the World events that are happening. Today I’m going to try to articulate what I’m feeling + where my heart is. It may be choppy + unorganized but it will be real, raw + the truth. So please, bare with me.
Also, you may be thinking why would she even write this or why am I reading this ha! But my hope is that maybe someone who feels the same way I do can relate + maybe not feel so alone ya know? I hope to maybe give them some peace + relax about how they feel ya know?
Heavy. That is the one word that describes my heart right now. I don’t know if its a good or bad thing that I’m so shocked by the current events happening in Ukraine. I say good or bad because good, means that after everything that has happened it hasn’t numbed me or make me used to bad things happening. Bad means that because so many things have happened that I’m NOT surprised ya know?
Hurt. My heart hurts so much for all those involved in Ukraine + Russia. So many people’s lives are now forever changed, so many people’s lives lost, family lines lost, homes destroyed, the constantly feeling fear. I can’t even imagine + it hurts so much to even try.
Tired. I’m so tired of hearing + seeing so many horrible, heartbreaking, scary events. I’m tired of all the suffering going on in the world. My brain is so tired of having to do a risk calculation every time I leave the house because of Covid. I know cases are down + I Thank God so much for that. But I do live with my 90 year old autoimmune compromised grandmother + have to be careful. Plus for my own anxiety. I’m tired of all the rudeness + meanness I see on social media. When did we think its okay to talk to other people so ruthless + mean? Better yet, why do we think its okay to talk to other people so ruthlessly + mean?
Confused. I’m sure that everything is asking the say question. “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?” And the next question is, “WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP?” or “WHEN WILL WE GO BACK TO NORMAL?” Really, the list of questions just keep coming. I don’t understand what is happening or why + we probably never will find out. But we are human + naturally we are going to ask those questions + hope to get some answers. With those answers we might feel a little better because we can be in control of at least something.
Guilty. I feel so guilty that I had a very nice, peaceful, + safe trip to Tennessee. Guilty that I find joy + smile in my safe everyday life. I feel so guilty that I know my family is safe + that I can talk to them whenever when others don’t have the basic opportunity. Guilty that I keep going on with my life when people are suffering. Guilty for being excited for upcoming plans, recent purchases, ideas, trips, the list goes on.
Thankful + Blessed. God has blessed me with such an incredible life! I am safe, loved, healthy, safe. He has blessed me with so much more than I need + deserve. I thank Him everyday for everything I have. But with that also comes the guilty feelings too. It’s a fun cycle lemme tell you.
In short, my heart feels all the things. With all that said, I want to give you permission to feel the joy you do. To be excited about upcoming plans. It’s totally okay to feel all the emotions. Lately it’s been a dance between joy + sorrow. It is okay to feel every emotion you feel. It’s natural + right now, normal.
So tell me. Where is your heart right now?! Tell me in the comments below! I’d love to know! If you ever need anyone to talk to I am always here! You can email me at Jen@SparkleandShineBright.com or DM me on Pinterest + Instagram.
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Thank you so much for being here + reading ✨ Where My Heart Is ✨ !! It means so much to me! 🤍✨
Always Sparkle and Shine Bright…