Today’s post is a special one. I’m wishing my Angel Baby a very happy birthday! He would have been 28 this year. For those who don’t know, Cody is my baby brudder who passed away 26 years ago from a very serve Asthma attack. He was 19 months + I was eight. Also I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense or flow well. I’m a mix of emotions right now + my thoughts are all over the place.
To My Angel Baby,
Happy Birthday Code Monster!!
I can not believe that you would be 28. I wonder so much what you would look like, how your voice would sound, what interests would you have. Where you would have gone to college, what sports you played, what career you choose. How close you + I lived next to each other. Because let’s face it, we’d still be inseparable. Oh + how you’d put Kyle + Dylan in their place when they gang up on me ha! Or how the 4 of us would gang up on mom + dad ha!
You were my world when you were born + as dad says the sun rose + set on me where you were concerned so I don’t see that changing as you got older.
You taught me what unconditional love is, how to show it, how to feel it, how to give it + how to leave it with people. And that is something I’ll never be able to thank you for.
Because of you I love harder, forgive easier + cherish the times I have with our family + friends. Because of you I know that tomorrow is not promised + I want to cherish the moments I have now.
I miss you so much it hurts. I’m so angry my blood boils that you were taken away from me so early. After Mom + Dad told me you were gone, walking into our room + sleeping in the bunk beds without you on the bottom bunk was + is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Life changed drastically after that.
The pictures I posted above make me smile because that was us. We’d go from rough housing to cuddling on the couch watching Nick Jr + Face. Or vise versa ha! Even with our seven year age difference we still had a blast together. We played together, got in trouble together, did everything together.
There are so many things that I wish but most of all I wish I had more time with you. I wish that you know how much you mean to me, how much I love you + how much you impacted my life. Because of you there is nothing I won’t do for Kyle + Dylan.
I wish I remembered what the sound of your voice sounds like, what you looked like without the help of pictures. I wish I remembered all the stories Mom + Dad tell me about the two of us. But what I do remember + always will is the bond + connection we had. I don’t have it with anyone else + to be honest I don’t want to. That is something that only you + I have + its so incredibly precious to me.
I hope you know that I think of you every day, miss you like crazy, talk about you to anyone who will listen, + love you with all I have. I know you’re up there smiling down at me + that one day you’ll open up those pearly gates for me.
I’ll love you forever,
Jenny