Hello Hello! Happy 11.11! Wow I can not believe I am writing this post, pouring out my honest, real, raw, personal feelings on being 35. I can’t believe I’m 35!
I know today is Veteran’s Day + honestly I think everyday should be Veterans Day, as we owe them so much for their sacrifices + bravery! But tomorrow I have a post coming that is all about them + military personnel in general. So because of that, today I wanna talk about me ha! [Bonus points for anyone who can tell me the song that line came from!]
So this is 35. Usually my birthday is just another day to me honestly. Well that + my Marine’s birthday. Fun fact: we have the same birthday but he’s a year older than me. Oh + Veteran’s Day. I really don’t like being the center of attention so I’d rather focus on others on my birthday. Normally turning another year older doesn’t really bother me. But this year it did.
To be honest I couldn’t figure out what was bothering me for a couple weeks. I didn’t even consider my birthday because it’s never bothered me before. But the more soul searching I did I figured out that my upcoming birthday was the cause of my uneasiness + anxiety.
Full transparency, I am NOT where I thought I would at 35. No where near it in fact. Totally opposite of where I thought I’d be. Didn’t even see where I am right now a possibility. Otay I think I made my point ha! Until now, that really didn’t bother me but turning 35 was like a switch went off in my head + heart.
Now, I’m not saying where I am is horrible because its not. I was given the opportunity to take care of my grandparents + not have to worry about working a traditional job. I have so many memories with my grandparents that no one else in my family has ya know? Never wanting to be in the health field yet here I am ha! And I learned a lot that will help me when I take care of my parents ha!
With my flexible yet not so flexible schedule it has allowed me some freedoms, like not worrying about getting to work on time, staying in comfy clothes all day, running errands when its not super busy, or being able to drop everything I’m doing + help my brothers ha! [Looking at you Monkey + Kyle Bear]. Not being able to do certain things because of doctor appointments or because my grandparents weren’t having a good day never bothered me.
What I think started these feelings was when I’d look at my friends + family being able to go on trips at the drop of a hat. Or the ease of it, they just schedule their PTO ya know? If I want to travel I have to make sure I have a few people ready to help my grandma, make sure no doctor appointments are schedule for the time I’ll be away. I have to make sure the house is stocked with food, medicine, etc. Really the fact that most of the don’t have to think about anyone but themselves when wanting to do something.
Also, watching my friends + family buy houses, start their families, excel in their careers. Now I guess you can say I excel in mine as my grandma is still here ha! But in all seriousness I’ve never had my own home. I went from my parents house to my grandparents house. As I was leaving my grandparent house I noticed that I really couldn’t because they needed me so I stayed. Again, not a bad thing but after 7+ years I’m kinda ready for my own ya know?
It’s hard watching people live the life I thought I’d have by this age. It’s not anyone’s fault + I’m not blaming anyone. But that doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t there. It also doesn’t mean that they aren’t valid + very real to me. I also think that its okay to feel this way on or off a birthday.
To me, it means I need to listen to said feelings + make some changes to be happy. What those changes are, well only God knows what they are but I am excited to see what they are!
I have to admit, once I acknowledged my feelings + thought through them I did start to feel a little better. And to me, that means I’m on the right track!
With all that being said, I know that I am beyond blessed to be where I am today! And I thank God everyday for what I have. And I know that there is a reason why I’m where I am today. What that reason is, I have no idea + I may never find out + I’m okay with that. I’m more concerned with getting to a place that I’m happy in, not figuring out why I’m where I am ya know?
I also know + believe that not every birthday is going to be grand + thats okay. It will just make the next good one, that much more great!
So here’s to 35! Here’s to listening to my heart + soul + making this the best year yet!
Otay, tell me. How do you feel about your birthday? Especially the “big ones” Tell me in the comments below! Oh + while I have you here lol don’t forget to subscribe to the blog via your email so you never miss a post! And then! Come say hi on Pinterest + Instagram: @jennniferlynn11! I’d love to hear from you + connect!
Thank you so much for being here + reading This is 35! It means so much to me! 🤍✨
Always Sparkle and Shine Bright…
xoxo,
Jen