Hello Hello! I hope you’re having a great day + that life is treating you well! Today I’m sharing all about what’s been going on in my life. And I’m sorry if its a little over the place. My mind is racing + going all over the place.
✨Whats Been Going On✨
When I originally wanted to do this post things were a lot different than they are now. Last month when I first had the idea to do this post things were pretty good I have to admit. I was feeling great, exercising, clothes were fitting better, I was really consistent on posting on the blog, Pinterest + IG, I was happy.
As I’m typing this I can’t say any of the above really. In the middle of July it was like everything went down hill + to be honest I don’t even know why. I’ve been very open + honest about my battle with anxiety + this is part of the battle. My anxiety is so bad + debilitating that I had to go on medicine. After I went on it I had to up the dosage because I needed more help. And let me tell you, it really helped + I wish I sought out help + medicine sooner to be honest.
Because I was feeling so great I thought that I no longer need the medicine, I thought that I could handle it on my own. I had talked to my doctor about changing medicines anyway because I had some frustrating side effects: weight gain. Well, lemme tell you, that plan back fired BIG TIME!
What happened to start all this was I was working out one day + hurt my ankle a little. Nothing to really speak of until that night. My right calf felt kinda funny + the next day I looked + my right calf was bigger than my left. I spiraled that night + ended up making a doctor appointment early the next day because I was spiraling so bad that I thought I was either going to lost my leg, need surgery or die. It sounds dramatic but that’s how it is for me. And trust me, I don’t want to have these thoughts. But again, it’s the nature of the best that is my anxiety.
We have determined that its not a blood clot, I’m not going to lose my low leg or die. I do have to get an ultrasound on it at the end of the month just to see what’s going on. Well in that same appointment we talked about switching my medicine to something else because of the weight gain. We chose one + I started it that night while weaning off the original one. I also had to stop doing the work out program I was doing because I had to lay off my leg. I did take walks + such but truth be told, I was afraid to really use my leg since it felt funny for no reason ya know?
Well about a week later I had to talk to my doctor about either lowering the dose of my new medicine or stopping to because I was so nauseous. I told my doctor that the only way I’m pregnant is if I’m the modern day Mary. So, it’s not that lol. It’s the side effect of the medicine. We decided to cut the dose in half, see how the works + go from there. A few days later I was off that medicine because I just couldn’t handle it.
So other than my leg + the nausea I was feeling good so I talked to my doctor if I could just stop all anxiety medicine because I was feeling so well. My doctor agreed + I weaned off all medicine. Well about that…
My nausea didn’t leave + I started getting headaches + the shaking came back. Every little ache + pain sent me spiraling thinking I had some major health issue. I’ve been humbled to my knees again. I have been shown that I can not do this on my own, that I need medicine. And ya know what? THATS OKAY! I feel like I had to go through this to finally truly understand + accept that I need help + be okay with it.
In the middle of this I went to the dermatologist + got two spots biopsied. My doctor said that she really didn’t think that it is anything serious but with my anxiety we are being safe rather than sorry. So I’m waiting on the results of them.
It’s been a week since I’ve been back on my medicine + I’m starting to feel better. I have good + bad days with shaking + nausea but I’m really starting to feel better + stop shaking. Last week I also worked out 4 days which I think really helped. I normally work out 5 days a week + walk down the hill to the mail box 6 days a week.
With my leg I didn’t work out for almost 2 weeks + I have to say I felt the loss of it. Not only was I anxious but I also was a little depressed which is why I didn’t post on here for a little bit. I was so angry that I was feeling so crappy, I was just tired of having something else health related that I have to deal with ya know? So not only am I anxious, shaking, overthinking everything, it’s a struggle to even get out of bed, I still have to take care of my grandma + do all the things for her + all the stupid adulting things we have to do.
Now I will say that this experience reminded me of how freaking blessed I am to have the health I do! I am very fortunate + I’m trying hard to remember it + not take it for granted.
✨What I’m Doing to Cope✨
I’m trying to give myself some grace with the way I look + feel. I’m trying to give myself grace that I do in fact need help + take medicine for my anxiety. When I start to spiral I have to tell myself over + over that I’m okay, not dying, + that everything is going to be okay. It sounds dramatic but that’s my reality. I also lean heavily on prayer, reading the Bible + spending time with God.
Also, I’m making sure to focus on things that don’t have anything to do with health, is light + funny. Focusing on something else really helps. I only watch things that I’ve already seen, scroll through IG + Pinterest probably more than I should if I’m being honest + read.
I have come to realize + semi accept that this is something I’m going to have to battle for the rest of my life, or at least until some things change in my life.
If you deal with anxiety or depression I hope you know that you know you are NOT alone. So many people deal with it everyday. If you are feeling some of these symptoms + don’t know where to start, try the American Psychiatric Associate website. I’ve used it + it helped me feel less alone + know what talk to my doctor about. Its OKAY to ask for help + accept it! You deserve to feel your best! Just because you may need some help- please Friend remember, that it DOES NOT define you!
If you need someone to talk to, I’m always here. You can email me at Jen@sparkleandshinebright.com or DM me on Pinterest + Instagram: @jennniferlynn11.
I hope to be part of the movement to end the stigma against mental health + normalize it being okay to take medicine to help you!
Otay wow this became a short novel. If you’re still here, you are a rock star!!
Thank you so much for being here + reading all about my lie update! It means so much to me! 🤍✨
Always Sparkle and Shine Bright…